Courtesy of Unknown and Anonymous at the Chive:
People that say go big or go home probably highly underestimate your willingness to go home.
I’m going to wait until the year 2020 to get a lasik procedure in the hopes of huge promotional discounts.
Net neutrality can’t be fought without net neutrality.
If we colonize other planets, synchronizing our calendars will be a nightmare.
Cigarette companies should be leading the charge fighting cancer. Because once cancer is cured a lot more people would smoke.
I stare at a Microsoft screen all day to pay for a smaller Apple screen I stare at all night.
If I write “etc.”, I’m usually just out of examples of whatever I was listing.
Actors get paid more to pretend to go to space than actual astronauts do to go to space.
Strict parents raise the best liars.