If Dr. Seuss were reincarnated today, he would become a legend in the rap/hip hop world.
The “Spring Forward” thing would be a lot more popular if we moved the clocks ahead at 2PM on Monday.
Candles are just pet fires.
We dumb down our vocabulary to babies at a time when their minds are most capable of learning language.
There’s so many talented people we will never hear of because of their lack of confidence.
If you ever feel like nobody notices or cares about you, remember that there are 4 other members of Maroon 5.
If boys screamed at girl bands the way girls scream at boy bands it would be terrifying and hilarious.
Surgery beds are basically cutting boards for humans.
We live in a world where a can of nuts must say “Contains: Nuts”
College students don’t want to go to graduation ceremonies, but they go to please their relatives, while relatives don’t want to go but go to support the students; we should all just be honest and skip that ceremony and go out for pizza.
Teachers should be asking students to write short 1-page essays and dock them points for not being concise instead of requiring long 4-page essays. In everyday life, no one likes to read a wall of text.
In school the lesson comes before the test but in life the test comes before the lesson.
Life is just a really complicated exam, in which most people fail by copying from others, not realizing that everyone has a different question paper.
If people actually lived every day as if it were their last, basically nobody would ever go to work or school again.
The most unrealistic thing about Harry Potter is that the they eventually use all the skills they learned in school.
“The race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the strong, but that’s the way to bet.”
Attributed to Damon Runyon
Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never—in nothing, great or small, large or petty—never give in except to convictions of honor and good sense.”
“The nation which forgets its defenders will be itself forgotten.”
“Who dares, wins. Who sweats, wins. Who plans, wins.”
British Special Air Service (SAS)
“It doesn’t take a hero to order men into battle. It takes a hero to be one of those men who goes into battle.”
General H. Norman Schwarzkopf
“It is fatal to enter a war without the will to win it.”
General Douglas MacArthur
“Courage, an independent spark from heaven’s bright throne, by which the soul stands raised, triumphant, high, alone.”
What do hackers do on a boat?
Why was the IT guy in the hospital?
He touched the firewall.
Why do app developer’s have such high insurance rates?
They’re always crashing.
What is it called when an IT person gets surgery on their fingers?
Tech knuckle support.
Why do computers make such bad boxers?
Their bark is worse than their byte.
Did you hear about the woman whose daughter adopted a baby?
How does a computer get drunk?
It takes screenshots.
Do you know the band 1023 megabytes?
They haven’t had a gig yet.
Who is a computer’s favorite singer?
What’s the best way to learn about computers?
Bit by bit.
What is a computer’s favorite animal?
Why did the PowerPoint presentation cross the road?
To get to the other slide.
Why do people on Twitter tell me I’m always confused?
Because I don’t follow.
Why is everyone who works at the keyboard factory so rich?
They put in a lot of shifts.
Why doesn’t a computer’s car last very long?
They always have hard drives.
Why did the computer spy get fired?
She couldn’t hack it.
What did the eyewitness tell the cops after a computer robbed a bank?
It went data way!
Why are people afraid of computers?
Where do naughty disk drives get sent?
Why are spiders so good at the internet?
They know all the good web sites.
Why do programmers never run the AC?
They prefer to open windows.
What do computers do on a beach vacation?
Surf the net.
Why did the man get so sad his computer had a virus?
It was a terminal illness.
Why can’t an IT guy keep a girlfriend?
He turns them all off and on again.
Where do computers go to dance?
Quotes courtesy of Lori Deschene/Tiny Buddha
“Life is what happens while we’re busy worrying about everything we need to change or accomplish. Slow down, get mindful, and try to enjoy the moment. This moment is your life.”
“The most creative act you will ever undertake is the act of creating yourself.”
“If you believe it will work out, you’ll see opportunities. If you believe it won’t, you will see obstacles.”
“Time is not a cure for chronic pain, but it can be crucial for improvement. It takes time to change, to recover, and to make progress.”
“You have to be where you are to get where you need to go.”
“Letting go gives us freedom, and freedom is the only condition for happiness. If, in our heart, we still cling to anything—anger, anxiety, or possessions—we cannot be free.”
Thich Nhat Hanh
“It wasn’t until I slowed the car and rolled down the windows that I realized I spend most of my days driving ‘through’ life without driving ‘in’ life. So, I’ve decided to walk because the pace is slower and the windows are always down.”
Craig D. Lounsbrough
“When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on.”
Franklin D. Roosevelt
“Remember, you are your own best investment. Invest in yourself and your lifestyle. Quality of life is a key component in finding joy and maintaining self-confidence.”
By Timothy James: 30 Self-Care Tips: How to Avoid Sickness, Burnout, and Exhaustion
“Never lose an opportunity of seeing anything that is beautiful; for beauty is God’s handwriting – a wayside sacrament.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Beauty isn’t worth thinking about; what’s important is your mind. You don’t want a fifty-dollar haircut on a fifty-cent head.”
“Inner beauty should be the most important part of improving one’s self.”
“Even though you may want to move forward in your life, you may have one foot on the brakes. In order to be free, we must learn how to let go. Release the hurt. Release the fear. Refuse to entertain your old pain. The energy it takes to hang onto the past is holding you back from a new life. What is it you would let go of today?”
Mary Manin Morrissey
In matters of the heart, nothing is true except the improbable.
Anne Louise Germaine de Stael-Holstein,
The errors which arise from the absence of facts are far more numerous and more durable than those which result from unsound reasoning respecting true data.
mathematician, engineer and inventor
Maybe the ancient Greeks didn’t actually believe their mythology and it was just a really big franchise like Star Wars.
Soon there will be a generation that only knows Dwayne Johnson as an actor, and not a rock.
In a zombie apocalypse eventually there are gonna be houses filled with smoke alarms with low battery beeping that may distract the zombies.
Of course your mother tells you you are gorgeous, you are a mix between herself and the person she chose to have sex with.
What if oxygen makes our voices deep and helium brings it back to normal?
If dogs were able to drive then all they would do is go buy food and stalk their owners.
Caffeinated drinks should have to advertise “caffeine by volume” the same way alcoholic drinks report “alcohol by volume.”
The fact that today (2-2) is not considered ‘National Ballet day’ seems like a huge missed opportunity.
If there’s a heaven, it’d better involve stepping in and having all the pets you’ve ever owned already there waiting, losing their shit because they’re happy you’re home.
If someone else caused you as much trouble as you cause yourself by procrastinating, that person would be your sworn enemy.
People with bad handwriting are like Scottish people. You know they’re speaking English and you understand stuff here and there but overall it’s a disaster.
Let’s take a moment to appreciate that mother nature not only pre-sliced but also pre-wrapped oranges.
Nap time would be more useful in high school rather than elementary school
Sleeping in until 11am sounds lazier than waking up at 9am and taking a two hour nap later on in the day.
Whoever spent a few million dollars on a Super Bowl ad that just shows us nothing but a black screen obviously was trying to mess with us.
The first person who will be killed by a sex robot is already walking among us, unaware of how unflattering their obituary is going to read.
Is Scooby Doo named after the brand of snacks he eats, or are we supposed to understand there’s a company that makes snacks just for him?
The person who creates a browser plug-in/extension which totally blocks all references to the Kardashians will be a hero revered by millions.
It takes a genius to design something an idiot can understand.
You always hear people brag about how they learned to swim when their parents just threw them in the deep end, but you never hear from the ones that were thrown in and didn’t learn.
Courtesy of Gretchen Rubin
“With growth into adulthood, responsibilities claimed me, so many heavy coats. I didn’t choose them, I don’t fault them, but it took time to reject them.”
Mary Oliver, Upstream: Selected Essays
“How can we learn self-knowledge? Never by taking thought but rather by action. Try to do your duty and you’ll soon discover what you’re like.”
“Many of us know the joy and excitement not so much of creating the new as of redeeming what has been neglected, and this excitement is particularly strong when the original condition is seen as holy or beautiful.”
J. B. Jackson, The Necessity for Ruins: and Other Topics
“I do not advise you to deny anything to nature—for nature is insistent, and cannot be overcome; it demands its due.”
“We must make it our aim to have already lived long enough.”
“A man who frequently consorts with certain others, whether for conversation, for banquets, or just generally for good fellowship, must either become like them or else change them along his own lines.”
“What would the world be, once bereft
Of wet and of wildness? Let them be left,
O let them be left, wildness and wet;
Long live the weeds and the wilderness yet.”
Gerard Manley Hopkins, “Inversnaid”
“As a child I could always attend more closely to gardens than to forests, probably because forests contain so little of the human information that I craved then, and gardens so much.”
Michael Pollan, Second Nature
“We are ever striving after what is forbidden, and coveting what is denied us.”
“I never expect anything. I just feel things in my gut and I do them. If something sounds exciting and interesting, I do it—and then I worry about it later. Doing new things takes a lot of energy and strength. It’s very tiring to make things happen, to learn how to master a skill, to push fears aside. Most people would rather just go with the flow, it’s much easier. But it’s not very interesting.”
Iris Apfel, Musings of a Geriatric Starlet
“Don’t let perfect be the enemy of the good.”
“These coppers, big and little, these brooms and clouts and brushes, were tools; and with them one made, not shoes or cabinet-work, but life itself. One made a climate within a climate; one made the days,–the complexion, the special flavor, the special happiness of each day as it passed; one made life.”
Willa Cather, Shadows on the Rock
“The test of a vocation is the love of the drudgery it involves.”
Logan Pearsall Smith
“It is easier to resist at the beginning than at the end.”
Leonardo da Vinci
“Such as are your habitual thoughts, such also will be the character of your mind; for the soul is dyed by the thoughts.”
“All wisdom is not new wisdom.”
“A man travels the world over in search of what he needs and returns home to find it.”
I never lie down at night without reflecting that — young as I am — I may not live to see another day.
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart,
Satire is a lesson; parody is a game.
Style is knowing who you are, what you want to say, and not giving a damn.
None can love freedom heartily, but good men: the rest love not freedom, but license.
To be good, and to do good, is all we have to do.
John Adams (1789-1797)
We often give our enemies the means of our own destruction.
Aesop, The Eagle and the Arrow
Happiness is found when you stop comparing yourself to other people.
A relationship without trust is like a car without gas, you can stay in it all you want, but it won’t go anywhere.
“You manage things; you lead people. We went overboard on management and forgot about leadership. It might help if we ran the MBAs out of Washington.”
Rear Adm. Grace Murray Hooper
“A leader is a dealer in hope.”
“My own definition of leadership is this: the capacity and the will to rally men and women to a common purpose and the character which inspires confidence.”
Field Marshal Bernard Montgomery
“People ask the difference between a leader and a boss. The leader leads, and the boss drives.”
“Speak softly and carry a big stick; you will go far.”
“The best executive is the one who has sense enough to pick good men to do what he wants done, and self-restraint enough to keep from meddling with them while they do it.”
President Theodore Roosevelt
“Never give an order that can’t be obeyed.”
“There is no security on this earth, there is only opportunity.”
“A true leader has the confidence to stand alone, the courage to make tough decisions, and the compassion to listen to the needs of others. He does not set out to be a leader, but becomes one by the equality of his actions and the integrity of his intent.”
Gen. Douglas MacArthur
“We succeed only as we identify in life, or in war, or in anything else, a single overriding objective, and make all other considerations bend to that one objective.”
“You don’t lead by hitting people over the head–that’s assault, not leadership.”
“Leadership is the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.”
President Dwight Eisenhower
“If everybody is thinking alike, then somebody isn’t thinking.”
“A leader is a man who can adapt principles to circumstances.”
“Be willing to make decisions. That’s the most important quality in a good leader.”
“Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.”
Gen. George Patton
“Leadership is a potent combination of strategy and character. But if you must be without one, be without the strategy.”
Gen. Norman Schwarzkopf
“Experts often possess more data than judgement.”
“Great leaders are almost always great simplifiers, who can cut through argument, debate, and doubt to offer a solution everybody can understand.”
Gen. Colin Powell
“What we need for leaders are men of the heart who are so helpful that they, in effect, do away with the need of their jobs. But leaders like that are never out of a job, never out of followers. Strange as it sounds, great leaders gain authority by giving it away.”
“You must never confuse faith that you will prevail in the end — which you can never afford to lose — with the discipline to confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.”
Vice Adm. James Stockdale
“We need to learn to set our course by the stars, not by the lights of every passing ship.”
Gen. Omar Bradley
“Discipline is the soul of an army. It makes small numbers formidable; procures success to the weak and esteem to all.”
President George Washington
“Grudges are for those who insist that they are owed something; forgiveness, however, is for those who are substantial enough to move on.”
Criss Jami, ‘Salomé: In Every Inch In Every Mile’
“I had to cease to mourn what could never be and make the most of what was possible. And I would begin doing that by trying to mend the hurts of the past.”
Cameron Dokey, ‘The Wild Orchid: A Retelling of The Ballad of Mulan’
Love is not honorable unless it is based on equality.
Marie de France,
“Every woman that finally figured out her worth, has picked up her suitcases of pride and boarded a flight to freedom, which landed in the valley of change.”
Shannon L. Alder
“And perhaps there is a limit to the grieving that the human heart can do. As when one adds salt to a tumbler of water, there comes a point where simply no more will be absorbed.”
Sarah Waters, ‘The Little Stranger’
“To be bitter is to attribute intent and personality to the formless, infinite, unchanging and unchangeable void. We drift on a chartless, resistless sea. Let us sing when we can, and forget the rest…”
“Sooner or later we’ve all got to let go of our past.”
Dan Brown, ‘Deception Point’
“One’s dignity may be assaulted, vandalized and cruelly mocked, but it can never be taken away unless it is surrendered.”
Michael J. Fox
“Make it a rule of life never to regret and never to look back. Regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can’t build on it; it’s only good for wallowing in.”