Maybe if we all sit extremely still, Monday won’t be able to see us.
Anonymous
The grass may be greener on the other side but at least you don’t have to mow it.
Anonymous
God gave us the brain to work out problems. However, we use it to create more problems.
Anonymous
I was going to look for my missing watch, but I could never find the time.
Anonymous
If you can go to the gym without telling people on the Internet, you are instantly hired by the CIA.
Anonymous
My kids are very optimistic. Every glass they leave sitting around the house is at least half full.
Anonymous
It must be difficult to post inspirational Tweets when your blood type is B Negative.
Anonymous
At Comic Con, all I could think was how happy these people’s moms must be to have the house to themselves for a few hours.
Anonymous
My first child has gone off to college and I feel a great emptiness in my life. Specifically, in my checking account.
Anonymous
Confucius says Love one another. If it doesn’t work, just interchange the last two words.
Anonymous
I might drive you crazy, but at least I’ll take the scenic route.
Anonymous
Isn’t it great to live in the 21st century? Where deleting history has become more important than making it.
Anonymous
I find it ironic that the colors red, white, and blue stand for freedom until they are flashing behind you.
Anonymous
My favorite mythical creature? The honest politician.
Anonymous
Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?
Anonymous
‘I have no especial adoration of someone whose only claim to fame has been reciting someone else’s words on television. Once you’ve watched your father tell some of the leaders of the free world how he is and isn’t willing to work with them, you’re not impressed by someone who got lucky because they’re good-looking.
Ex-Mossad agents can be as gay as anyone else. However, they don’t check out possible prom dates while they’re on the job. They’re sort of like asexual killing machines until it’s time to call it a night. Then they party way harder than almost any other highly trained servicemen, possibly exceeded only by German paratroopers.’
You Know Who I Am (The Drusilla Thorne Mysteries Book 1)
by Diane Patterson (Author)
Possibly Offensive:
Life is like toilet paper, you’re either on a roll or taking shit from some asshole.
Anonymous
Is your ass jealous of the amount of shit that just came out of your mouth?
Anonymous
