Quotes February 27, 2020

“My opinions may have changed, but not the fact that I’m right.”
Ashleigh Brilliant
“The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.”
Joan Rivers
“How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.”
Emo Philips
“If you’re too open-minded; your brains will fall out.”
Lawrence Ferlinghetti
“If I’m not back in five minutes, just wait longer.”
Ace Ventura (Jim Carrey)
“When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.“
Rodney Dangerfield
“I never forget a face—but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.”
Groucho Marx
“Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.”
Robert Benchley
“As a child my family’s menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.”
Buddy Hackett
“There cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.”
Henry Kissinger
“Thank you, 2:30 in the morning, for always being the first sign that tomorrow’s gonna suck.”
Jimmy Fallon
“I grew up with six brothers. That’s how I learned to dance: waiting for the bathroom.”
Bob Hope
“I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.”
Noel Coward
“I walk around like everything’s fine, but deep down, inside my shoe, my sock is sliding off.”
People who make me laugh until I’m physically in pain are my favorite kind of people.