Quotes August 08, 2017

Courtesy of The Chive:

The Mad Max franchise is a documentary about the time Australia’s internet went out for a month.
I’m not fully committed to the video until I turn my phone sideways.
We live in a age where we have to prove to machines that we are not machines.
A sheep spends it’s life fearing the wolves, only to be eaten by the shepherd in the end.
Calling our moon “the Moon” is kind of lame. Its like calling Earth, “the Planet.”

Elevators should have a ‘Cancel’ button for when you hit the wrong floor.
We will never know the world’s best-kept secret.
You will be exactly half as old as your mother only once in your life, and that is when you are the same age she was when she gave birth to you.
BING” could stand for “Because It’s Not Google”
I hate to spend $6.50 on six pieces of raw chicken, but don’t hesitate to spend $5 on one chicken sandwich.
It must suck to be an air conditioner repairman. You spend your day working in buildings that have no air conditioning. When it’s fixed and finally cool, you leave.

I would have appreciated taking baths more as a kid if I realized how cool it was to have a tub much larger than my body.
Restroom air dryers are a great way to warm your hands before wiping them on your jeans.
Let’s take a moment to appreciate the fact that our teeth don’t itch.

Because my employer makes us change system passwords every 30 days, I use weak, easy to remember passwords instead of choosing one strong password.

I love how optimistic bowling alleys are. After every gutter ball it lifts the remaining pins up and sweeps, like it’s saying “I’m sure you hit something buddy.”
“Cheaters never win” is really only true because all the cheaters who did win didn’t get caught.

Anyone working in customer service should be lawfully entitled to slap one (1) customer per a twelve (12) month period without consequences. Oh, and probably vice versa, to be fair.

Most people treat depression as if the depressed person sat down in a room, weighed out the pros and cons, and decided being depressed was a great option.

Suicide Prevention Hotline
Call 1-800-273-8255