Courtesy of theCHIVE:
Intelligent minds presume their own ignorance. Ignorant minds presume their own intelligence.
Raising a child is basically a race against time to see if you can teach a tiny animal everything they need to know in order to avoid going to jail in under 18 years.
If it was actually possible to project a bat signal onto clouds the nights sky would be awash with advertisements in every city.
We complain that things are always expensive, but when sold cheap we assume that it’s automatically defective or fake.
Referring to your employees as “family” is the corporate equivalent to telling a prostitute you love her.
What if Stephen Hawking’s computer got hacked a long time ago and nothing he says is really him?
A child is the most expensive thing you can get for free.
Cold coffee is the same temperature as warm beer.
When you get half a pickle with your sandwich, you are sharing a pickle with a stranger.
Candy corn is just corn turned into corn syrup then back into corn.
Our fingers have fingertips, but our toes don’t have toetips. However, we can still tiptoe, but cannot tipfinger.
If and when colonization on Mars is successful, the path that Curiosity has taken will likely become a tourist destination like the freedom trail in Boston
Considering the health issues associated with sitting in one place for too long, ADHD is probably an evolutionary defense mechanism in response to our society.
Everybody’s lips were probably so f**king chapped during the Ice Age.
A 5-second un-skippable ad seems far more annoying than a 30 second ad you can skip after 5 seconds.