Courtesy of theCHIVE
The earth was originally a dinosaur planet and we are the post-apocalyptic creatures.
There’s probably someone over the age 100 playing with legos illegally.
You know every single digit of pi, just not the order.
Somewhere there is a grandmother, whose grandson really is the most handsome boy in the world.
Most people put over 40 years of their life in the success of someone else’s company only to finally be ‘free’ for the last and weakest years of their life.
Translators in the UN could actually start a war whenever they feel like it.
Your skull doesn’t have a facial expression. Your flesh just moves around it.
The most beautiful people in existence still get explosive diarrhea sometimes.
Horses would be way more scary if they ate meat.
Students who try hard in high school grow up wishing they had fun, but students who only had fun in high school grow up wishing they tried.
People who are sick are literally NSFW.
If polar bears were in Antarctica too, they’d be bi-polar bears.
Whoever coined the term “money can’t buy happiness” has probably never been poor and/or broke.
Mummies are just upper-class zombies.
Bread, cheddar, and bacon all refer to money. You could make an income sandwich.
Maybe astronauts end their relationships by saying they just need space.