Quotes May 03, 2018

Courtesy of theCHIVE

Anxiety is like when video game combat music is playing but you can’t find any enemies.
Do crabs think we’re walking sideways?
“What did we do to deserve dogs?” Well, we literally genetically engineered them to like us … that’s what we did.
A lot of people are going to be pissed when they find out their self-driving car wont go 60 in a 55.
The real life equivalent of a repost is when someone says a joke and no one hears it, then someone else says the exact same thing and everyone laughs.
As you get older, receiving new underwear and socks as gifts gets exponentially better.
We should all brag about how much tax we pay instead of how much money we make so rich people will want to actually pay them.
We want to make AI seem more human while actual people are forced to work like robots and show little emotion on the job.
Your computer saying it needs you to have Admin privileges is like it asking to see the manager.
Holding down the power button to turn something off is the equivalent of choking it until it’s unconscious.
Nobody gives grass the credit it deserves for making Earth not look like a big ball of wet dirt.
The headlines “Bitcoin hit’s new all time high of $10k” and “Bitcoin crashes to $10k” are less than two months apart from each other…
You should be able to yell “be right there!” to your cell phone if you’re running to get it. Then it could ring a few extra times in order to give you a chance to pick up.
Slang is just slang for “short language.”
Language is just agreed upon gibberish.
Google Translate is like a person who knows many languages but is not good at any of them.
You know you’ve listened to an album too much when your brain plays the intro to the next song before it actually starts playing.
Eating blueberries is like a Russian Roulette of sweet, sour, and terrible.
Nowadays it is almost rude to ask a question instead of Googling it first.
Introverts don’t make friends, they get adopted by an extrovert.
Uber should have a “Feeling talkative? Yes/No” button so passengers can enjoy some quiet without seeming rude.

Eating lunch alone as a kid is like torture, getting to eat lunch alone as an adult is a nice treat.