Quotes October 01, 2018

Courtesy of theCHIVE

In 2008, the 90’s felt like “the 90’s”. It’s 2018 and the 2000’s don’t feel like “the 2000’s”, they just make you go “Holy shit that was 10 years ago?”
 
 
 
 
If salt is supposed to repel ghosts and demons, then the ocean must be the least haunted place on Earth.
 
 
 
 
It’s ironic how bedhead can make you look homeless.
 
 
 
 
We’ve created a culture that pressures people so much that they feel the need to go into work with the flu…which is a contagious illness.
 
 
 
 
Jenga is kinda the opposite of Tetris
 
 
 
 
If salt is supposed to repel ghosts and demons, then the ocean must be the least haunted place on Earth.
 
 
 
 
Surgery is just basically stabbing someone to life.
 
 
 
 
Puberty is just forced updates.
 
 
 
 
Women must find Dad jokes attractive, or they’d be known as bachelor jokes.
 
 
 
 
It’s weird to think that night time is the natural state of the universe and daytime is only caused by a nearby, radiating ball of flame.
 
 
 
 
Whoever got the contract to supply Amazon with cardboard boxes is doing pretty well.
 
 
 
 
The difference between a scary movie and a scary book is that in a movie you see someone elses fears, while reading a book you imagine your own deepest fears.
 
 
 
 
A chicken burrito is just a breakfast burrito that was allowed to grow up.
 
 
 
 
Going to bed without having to set an alarm is one of the most satisfying feelings ever.
 
 
 
 
Pirates have always seemed good about employing people with physical disabilities.
 
 
 
 
Fishing is only relaxing because fish don’t scream like hell when pulled out of the water.
 
 
 
 
At some point in history, the idea of recording a sound must have seemed as intangible as recording a smell seems now.
 
 
 
 
Death would be infinitely scarier if it only happened to some people and not others.
 
 
 
 
A smart refrigerator isn’t one with screens, cameras, and wifi. It’s one that knows to dim the light when you open it at 3 a.m.