Quotes October 09, 2019

Courtesy of theCHIVE

People say not to eat a snack before a meal because “it will spoil your appetite,” but people pay for appetizers and suddenly it’s ok to eat a snack before a meal.
A person who is 80 years old has seen almost one third of US history
With the rise of sex robots and self-driving cars, there will soon be a country song where the singer’s girlfriend broke down and his truck left him.
8 hours of free time sounds a lot more than 8 hours of sleep
Once fully autonomous vehicles become standard, we will actually have to leave on time because they probably won’t speed for us.
Time doesn’t heal everything, but it sure does kill everything
Nothing is more discouraging than being excited to tell a friend or significant other something and them not giving a s@@@ about it.
Betty Marion White was born in 1922; the first BMW car made was in 1928. Betty White is the original BMW.
Night is the natural state of the universe. Day is only caused by a massive fiery ball that just so happens to be nearby.
“Nice sweater, did your mother make it for you?” Is a sarcastic insult in elementary school, and a genuine compliment in adulthood.
Somewhere out there is a pen that holds the world record for most times stolen.
Soda, juice, and even water have nutrition labels on them, but alcoholic beverages don’t.
The longer you lie in bed unable to fall asleep, the louder your thoughts get.
Typing on a real keyboard requires almost exclusively fingers that aren’t thumbs, while typing on a phone’s keyboard requires nothing but thumbs.
Nothing says “this is someone else’s problem” quite like a leaf blower.
Mondays are fine. You just hate your job.
You realize you’re getting older when the main characters aren’t your age anymore.
Your brain can analyse the layout of your whole room in near complete darkness, just by seeing the dimly lit side of an object.
The difference between a good guy and a bad guy in movies is that a good guy can always reach an object when they’re being pinned down.
Any fact about yourself that you’ve never told to anyone is technically one of the unknown secrets of the universe
It’s amazing that society thinks much more highly of you if your shirt has an extra flap of fabric folded off the neck.
Since your memory prioritizes remembering things that are out of the ordinary, cringing at your past self for screwing up just indicates that screwing up is not a regular thing you do.
People who can get their point across without cursing are a dying breed.
Knowing how fast your car can go from 60-0 is so much more important than know how fast it can go from 0-60.
As a kid, you hate naps but adults make you. As an adult, you’d love to take a nap but no one will let you.
Despite all the time spent on smartphones, people don’t seem to have them in their dreams.