Quotes September 02, 2018

Courtesy of theCHIVE

Banks give you free lollipops they bought with your money.
 
 
 
 
Squirrels always look and act like it’s their first day being a squirrel.
 
 
 
 
Why is it a “wedding ring”? Shouldn’t it be a “marriage ring”?
 
 
 
 
Thanks to Elon Musk, there is now a non-zero chance of getting into a car accident in space.
 
 
 
 
“Send nudes, not nukes” is the “make love, not war” of this century.
 
 
 
 
Fleeing from police is like choosing the double or nothing option.
 
 
 
 
Considering how prestigious it was, Hogwarts was pretty bad at background checks for teachers.
 
 
 
 
Imagine living with an alien species whose food is so amazing that you’d risk punishment just to eat the inedible plastic containers that the food came in. That’s a dog’s point of view.
 
 
 
 
Nudists must have a hard time cleaning their glasses.
 
 
 
 
In the future Elon Musk might be a DLC character in Civilization sequels.
 
 
 
 
One of these days, photo editing will have become so advanced, that a picture of you stabbing someone in the face won’t count as conclusive proof on its own.
 
 
 
 
You still have imaginary friends. They’re people that you think of as an actual friend – but really, you’re just imagining it.
 
 
 
 
What a second. H8 = hate But h+eight = height.
 
 
 
 
Naming a city Townsville is like naming it Citycity.
 
 
 
 
You know you’re Googling something bad when halfway through your query, Google stops making suggestions as if to say, “Okay you’re on your own with this one, buddy.”
 
 
 
 
Every line in Finland is a Finnish line.
 
 
 
 
No matter what business it is now you can always tell when it used to be a Pizza Hut.
 
 
 
 
You don’t realize how strong your legs are until you try to do a handstand.
 
 
 
 
When you think about it, Shakespeare WAS the result of billions of monkeys trying to write stuff randomly for millions of years.