Quotes February 20, 2020

Change is never painful. Only the resistance to change is painful.
Buddha
 
 
 
 
“Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.”
Jack Handey
 
 
 
 
“When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”
Erma Bombeck
 
 
 
 
“Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring: ‘How to Build a Boat.’”
Steven Wright
 
 
 
 
“The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.”
Albert Einstein
 
 
 
 
“Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example.”
Francois de La Rochefoucauld
 
 
 
 
“Analyzing humor is like dissecting a frog. Few people are interested and the frog dies of it.”
E. B. White
 
 
 
 
“People say, ‘But Betty, Facebook is a great way to connect with old friends.’ Well, at my age, if I want to connect with old friends I need a Ouija board.”
Betty White
 
 
 
 
“Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers.”
Socrates
 
 
 
 
“Laughing at our mistakes can lengthen our own life. Laughing at someone else’s can shorten it.”
Cullen Hightower
 
 
 
 
“A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, ‘At my age, I don’t even buy green bananas.’”
Claude Pepper
 
 
 
 
“My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.”
Dave Barry
 
 
 
 
“Life begins at 40 – but so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.”
Helen Rowland
 
 
 
 
“Never doubt the courage of the French. They were the ones who discovered that snails are edible.”
Doug Larson
 
 
 
 
“I have noticed that even people who claim everything is pre­determined and that we can do nothing to change it look before they cross the road.”
Stephen Hawking
 
 
 
 
“I may be a living legend, but that sure don’t help when I’ve got to change a flat tire.”
Roy Orbison
 
 
 
 
“If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.”
Abraham Lincoln
 
 
 
 
“Inflation is when you pay fifteen dollars for the ten-dollar haircut you used to get for five dollars when you had hair.”
Sam Ewing
 
 
 
 
“Here’s something to think about: How come you never see a headline like ‘Psychic Wins Lottery’?”
Jay Leno