Here’s what I tell so many formerly abused children who are now adults: Look how desperately you wanted to bond with “parents” who would not love you. That is not a defect; it proves that the ability to love has not been eradicated in you.
But you must choose carefully. Test, establish criteria, search — and resolve to be alone if you cannot find what you deserve. Bonding, in and of itself, is of no value unless the current flows in both directions.
When our biological families no longer function, the only option is to create a family of choice — a family defined by shared purpose and mutual respect, not ties of blood. When, as an adult, you can adopt a child-protective pack mentality, you can bond with others and have the family you need.
Andrew Vachss
