Courtesy of theCHIVE
When you swim under water, you are also swimming above water.
You have seen more people naked than your ancestors could have ever even dreamed of seeing.
One brick is good for attacking, but a lot of bricks are good for defending.
The real winner in the “every child gets a trophy” is the trophy-making company.
If scratch off lottery tickets would cost 99 cents instead of 1 dollar people would have 1 cent to scratch it off.
Every moment, people are meeting for the first time in the most ordinary ways, not realizing that they’re going to fall in love and build a life together.
When we colonize other planets, we have to start using “Earth Years” and “Mars Years” (Etc.) because our orbits are different.
Dads don’t make dadjokes. Men who make dadjokes are more likely to get into long-term relationships, and thus, become dads.
Due to most people not having full-blown kitchens, a cooking show that only uses a microwave to create dishes would be pretty popular.
In Star Wars, they don’t use the same alphabet… but they still have X and Y wings.
The generation that popularized electric can openers probably shouldn’t be calling anyone lazy.
There’s someone out there below 18 who clicks off when they read 18+.
Everyone always looks at earlier humans as primitive and dumb, but they did everything right to make sure our species succeeded.
Matt Groening could be a time traveler who created the Simpson’s to warn us, and created Futurama to describe his own world.
There is probably a large percentage a people who have never pressed the number 7 on their microwave.
Yoga is just single-player twister.
Your dog probably thinks you’re a really good hunter
We compliment visual art by saying “it tells a story” and compliment writing by saying “it paints a picture.”
The iOS calculator app has the same color scheme as pornhub
Gen X is that accidental middle child that everyone forgets about when the rest of the family is fighting
The illustrator of “Where’s Waldo” could have wasted millions of hours of people’s lives if he just left Waldo out of one of the books
The most unrealistic thing about Spiderman is that Peter Parker’s never been teased for having the initials “P.P.”
The Krabby Patty secret formula contains the secret to making cheeseburgers underwater without any cows.
If superhero movies were real, no one in their right minds would move to New York City.
Between Die Hard and Harry Potter movies, Alan Rickman may be the most viewed man on TV Christmas day
Betty White is so old she starred in a show about being old that was cancelled more than a quarter century ago.
