Quotes March 05, 2020

“The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.”
Bill Watterson
 
 
 
 
“I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.”
Groucho Marx
 
 
 
 
“You know you’re getting old when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you’re down there.”
George Burns
 
 
 
 
“I’m sick of following my dreams, man. I’m just going to ask where they’re going and hook up with ’em later.”
Mitch Hedberg
 
 
 
 
“The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management.”
Scott Adams
 
 
 
 
“I saw a study that said speaking in front of a crowd is considered the number one fear of the average person. Number two was death. This means to the average person, if you have to be at a funeral, you would rather be in the casket than doing the eulogy.”
Jerry Seinfeld
 
 
 
 
“My ability to turn good news into anxiety is rivaled only by my ability to turn anxiety into chin acne.”
Tina Fey
 
 
 
 
“You can always tell when a man’s well informed. His views are pretty much like your own.”
H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
 
 
 
 
“I don’t want any yes-men around me. I want everybody to tell me the truth even if it costs them their job.”
Samuel Goldwyn
 
 
 
 
“Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize half of them are stupider than that.”
George Carlin
 
 
 
 
“Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.”
Homer Simpson
 
 
 
 
“I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend 10 years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.”
Damien Fahey
 
 
 
 
“My esteem in this country has gone up substantially. It is very nice now that when people wave at me, they use all their fingers.”
Jimmy Carter
 
 
 
 
“There is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate.”
Linda Grayson