Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
They say the universe is expanding. That should help with the traffic.
If you’re sending someone some styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
I had my coathangers spayed.
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I’m afraid of widths.
Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?
I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.
I’m writing a book. I’ve got the page numbers done.
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door.
I said, “Hey, the sign says you’re open 24 hours.”
He said, “Yes, but not in a row.
I went to a general store. They wouldn’t let me buy anything specifically.
I worked in a health food store once. A guy came in and asked me, “If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?”
I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2×4 and a box of 3×5’s.
The clerk said, “ten-four.”
I was in the grocery store. I saw a sign that said “pet supplies”. So I did.
Then I went outside and saw a sign that said “compact cars”.
