Quotes August 26, 2019

We all know Albert Einstein was a genius…

But his brother Frank was a monster!
Gregg Smith

A taxpayer received a strongly worded “second notice” that his taxes were overdue. Hastening to the collector’s office, he paid his bill, saying apologetically that he had overlooked the first notice.

“Oh,” confided the collector with a smile, “we don’t send out first notices. We have found that the second notices are more effective.”
A soccer hooligan is charged with disorderly conduct and assault after a match. The arresting officer states that the accused had thrown something into the river not far from the stadium.

“What exactly did the accused throw into the river?” the judge asks.

“Stones, sir,” the officer replies.

The judge is confused. “Well, that’s hardly an offense, officer.”

“It was in this case, sir,” the officer explains. “Stones was the name of the referee.”
Ben Jones

My friend couldn’t afford to pay his high water bill…

So I sent him a “Get ‘Well’ Soon” card.
Stuart Page

On day when returning home from work my wife proceeded to tell me that she had been called into the principal’s office because of the things OUR SON had done at school that day.

We agreed that he should be disciplined the same was I was disciplined when I was his age: being sent to my room without supper.

But in my son’s room, he has his own color TV, telephone, computer, and CD player. So what is a parent to do in this day and age?

We sent him to MY room!

Me: I taught my dog to play chess.

Friend: He must be very smart?

Me: Not really, I beat him two games out of three!