Quotes February 29, 2020

Courtesy of theCHIVE

If marriage licenses had to be renewed periodically like all other licenses, not only would divorcing be a lot cleaner, but spouses might be discouraged from taking each other for granted.
Millennials are known as the generation where everyone got a trophy for participating, but no one points out the parents that kicked and screamed when their kids didn’t get a trophy.
Hologram advertising is going to be really cool for about a week and then be really annoying for the rest of our lives.
Much of Amazon.com’s Prime Video collection feels as if it were assembled using only films they were able to pick up randomly at yard sales.
Somewhere, there’s a person who recalls something brave or wise that you said or did and thinks of you as someone who really has their shit together.
You’re doing pretty well in life if you have beach towels that aren’t also your bath towels
In Harry Potter, they can regrow Harry’s bones overnight in a school hospital, yet they can’t solve his eyesight issues, which can be done with science today.
Childish Gambino is doing what Kanye West thinks he’s doing.
Price and worth are very similar concepts, but priceless and worthless are opposite one another.
Someday the term “Artificial Intelligence” may be considered a racial slur.
It’s surprising that there are no conspiracy theories about the moon being flat, since we only see half of it.
Peanut butter is just the peanut version of mashed potatoes.
You haven’t been an adult for most of your life until you’re 36.
By law our cars have to be road-worthy, but the roads don’t have to be car-worthy.
There are books about deforestation.
Services are switching from calling them Private Messages to calling them Direct Messages because they’re not private anymore…
It would really suck getting kidnapped with a cold. If they taped your mouth shut, you really wouldn’t be able to breathe.
Lets just thank mother nature, for both pre slicing and pre wrapping oranges.
It would suck to be one of the people who turned 18 the day after the drinking age was raised to 21.
Anti-vaxxers who vaccinate their pets but not their kids exist.
People say “Break a Leg” so you can get in the cast.
80s and 90s kids got sick of their moms telling them to pause the game, so they grew up, became developers, and invented games that can’t be paused.
The difference between a rebellion and a revolution is which side wins.
A couple of decades after we settle on another planet, there will be conspiracy theories of earth not existing…
It can take days, weeks, even years to decide you love someone but it takes two minutes to decide you love a dog.
At home it’s weird for two people to eat two different things for dinner but at a restaurant it’s weird to order the same thing.
Mushrooms have three settings: Poisonous, Tasty, and Magic.