When driving in a School Zone, I spend more time checking my speedometer than checking if I’ve run over any kids.
Arguing with my wife is great, I get to sleep on the couch and stay up late playing video games.
I wonder if I have a remarkable talent for something, but have never tried that one thing.
There should be a Shazam for bird noises to identify the bird.
My iPhone needs to be on charge so often, it may as well be a landline.
Somebody had to pitch the slogan “Pizza pizza” to a room full of suits.
Bartenders in older movies are always obsessively polishing a glass and never stocking ice or beer.
Saying “F*ck it” actually motivates me more than “You can do this”.
