What is a skeleton’s favorite musical instrument?
The trom-bone.
Why was the vampire interested in the New York Times?
He heard it had great circulation.
Why wouldn’t the skeleton go in the haunted house?
He had no guts.
Why did the ghost go to the bar?
To get some boos.
Why did the horseman from Sleepy Hollow go to business school?
He wanted to get a head in life.
Why are all mummies workaholics?
They’re afraid to unwind.
What do you say when you’re having dinner with a skeleton?
Bone appetit!
What happens when a ghost blows its nose?
He looks at the boo-gers.
Why won’t vampires prey on snowmen?
They’ll get frostbite.
Why don’t ghouls like lentils?
They prefer human beans.
Why was the skeleton lonely?
He had no body.
Why do vampires use mouthwash?
They have bat breath.
How do vampires sail?
On blood vessels.
Did you hear about the vampire who lost his home?
It was a grave problem.
How do skeleton’s travel in an emergency?
In a skele-copter.
Why do ghouls love to hang out with demons?
Because demons are a ghoul’s best friend.
Did you hear about the guy who was bitten by a vampire?
It was a pain in the neck.
Why don’t witches ride their brooms when they’re angry?
They don’t want to fly off the handle.
What do you call a skeleton who refuses to help you clean?
Lazy bones.
Who did Dracula take to the school dance?
His ghoul friend.
What kind of mistakes do ghosts make?
Boo boos.
Why are skeletons always so calm?
Nothing gets under their skin.
Why should you always trust a mummy with your secrets?
They can keep anything under wraps.
How did the great pumpkin fix his jeans?
With a pumpkin patch.
Why are skeleton’s so bad at church music?
They can’t play the organ.
Did you hear about the vampire who had to go to the doctor?
He was coffin.
What do you call a stupid skeleton?
A bonehead.
Why does every cemetery have a fence?
People are dying to get in.
What do skeleton’s drink their tea in?
Bone china.
Where do Russians send bad ghosts?
Do the ghoulag.
Why was the skeleton so into ceramics class?
He loved making skullptures.
Why are ghosts so happy when they’re in an elevator?
It lifts their spirits.
What do skeleton’s use to text?
A Cell-bone.
Where do ghosts go on vacation?
Mali-boo.
What did the ghost bring his ghost girlfriend?
A booquet.
Why couldn’t the skeleton watch horror movies?
He didn’t have the stomach.
Where did the mommy ghost take the baby ghost?
To the dayscare center.
What is zombie Shakespeare’s favorite play?
Romeo and Ghouliet.
What do you call a haunted chicken?
A poultry-geist.
Why do skeleton’s make such good comedians?
They have so many funny bones.
Why wasn’t there any food left at the Halloween party?
Everyone was goblin.
Did you hear about the skeleton who could always tell when it was going to rain?
He could feel it in his bones.
What do you get when you drop a pumpkin?
Squash.
What kind of wine do skeletons like?
Anything with a full body.
What should you eat at a baseball game on Halloween?
A frankenfurter.
What do little ghouls and boys study in algegra?
Pumpkin-pi.
How does a member of a coven know what time it is?
They look at their witch-watch.
Who do skeleton’s learn about in history class?
Napoleon Bone-a-part.
What do vegan zombies eat?
GRAAAAAAAAAINS.
What is the skeleton’s funniest bone?
Its humerus.
What did the skeleton bring to the potluck?
Spare ribs.
