Courtesy of A Joke A Day
2014: Didn’t jog.
2015: Didn’t jog.
2016: Didn’t jog.
2017: Didn’t jog.
2018: Didn’t jog.
2019: Didn’t jog.
2020: Still haven’t jogged.
This is a running joke.
Submitted by Gegg Smith
One afternoon there was a group of tourists on tour going through an ancient castle in Europe. They were accompanied by a tour guide.
The guide said that the majestic castle was over 700 years old. He added that nothing had been altered or touched in all those years.
One of the tourists blurted out, “Sounds like they have the same cheap landlord I have!”
Submitted by barber7796
All my life I thought air was free…
Until I bought a bag of chips.
Submitted by S.Sovetts
I asked my doctor today how long he thought this COVID thing will last…
He said, “How should I know, I’m a doctor not a politician.”
Submitted by Chloe2015
A grandfather bought a hobby-horse by mail order as a Christmas present for his granddaughter. The toy arrived in 189 pieces.
The instructions said that it could be put together in an hour; however, it took the old man two days to assemble the toy.
Finally, when it was all put together, he wrote a check, cut it into 189 pieces and mailed it to the company.
The female skier Picabo Street (pronounced Peek-A-Boo)…
The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street is not just an athlete, she is a nurse. She currently works at the Intensive Care Unit of a large metropolitan hospital.
She is not permitted to answer the telephone, however, as it caused simply too much confusion when she would answer the phone and say,
“Picabo, ICU…”
When my son graduated from high school, he had to give a speech. He began by reading from his prepared text.
“I want to talk about my mother and the wonderful influence she has had on my life,” he told the audience. “She is a shining example of parenthood, and I love her more than words could ever do justice.”
At this point he seemed to struggle for words. After a pause, he looked up with a sly grin and said, “Sorry, but it’s really hard to read my mother’s handwriting.”
Submitted by HENNE
On a wintry day, my 90-year-old father was in the supermarket trying to pay for his groceries. Bundled up against the cold, his gloved hands were having trouble retrieving and counting the exact change.
The transaction evidently took too long for the man behind him in line, who muttered a curse.
Dad stopped counting, turned around, and warned, “Be quiet or I’ll write a check.”
Two years after my heart attack, I was teaching my college course when I felt discomfort in my chest. I paused the class to pop my medication and felt better quickly.
“Now, if I ever do have a heart attack,” I told my students, “I will give extra credit to whoever gives me CPR.”
One of them shouted out, ”How much?”
Submitted by D-Gellybean
The manager of a touring theatrical company emailed the owner of the theater in a small town where his company was due to appear.
“Would like to hold rehearsal next Monday afternoon at three. Have your stage manager, carpenter, property man, electrician, and all stage hands present at that hour.”
A few seconds later he received the following reply: “All right. He’ll be there.”
Submitted by Arthur Art Will Williams
In the men’s room at work, the Boss had placed a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it — “Think!”
The next day, when he went to the men’s room, he looked at the sign and right below, immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign which read — “Thoap!”
Submitted by Ryan Faidley
A donkey had an IQ of 186. He had no friends at all though…
Because even in the animal kingdom, nobody likes a smart-ass!
Submitted by Merkv814
Boy 1: “As long as you are in school, two things will always be your friends.”
Boy 2: “Who are they?
Boy1: “Classwork and Homework!”
Submitted by Kyoto
