Tag: Humorous

Images July 07, 2018


 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 

Images May 09, 2018


 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 


 
 
 
 


 
 
 
 


 

Images April 21, 2018


 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 

Images March 28, 2018

 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 

 
 
 
 

Quotes December 29, 2017

Courtesy of Unknown
 
 
 
 

Always remember to pillage BEFORE you burn
 
 
 
 
Anything worth fighting for is worth fighting dirty for
 
 
 
 
A nuclear war can ruin your whole day
 
 
 
 
“The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step, and a lot of bitching.”
 
 
 
 
“Artillery is the King of battle: the King cannot
swim, however, which is why we need you guys.”
(USMC arty specialist to a group of Navy officers in an Amphib
Warfare Indoc course.)

Phil are go: “You will drive 120 m.p.h. -legally”… BAH hah hahha! Oh man…

“You will drive 120 m.p.h. -legally”… BAH hah hahha! Oh man…

Friday Funnies June 23, 2017

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age. As your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
-Phyllis Diller
 
 

 
 

Housework can’t kill you but why take a chance?
-Phyllis Diller
 
 

 
 

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the sidewalk before it stops snowing.
-Phyllis Diller
 
 

 
 

The reason women don’t play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
-Phyllis Diller
 
 

 
 

Best way to get rid of kitchen odours: Eat out.
-Phyllis Diller
 
 

 
 

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
-Phyllis Diller
 
 

 
 

I want my children to have all the things I couldn’t afford. Then I want to move in with them.
-Phyllis Diller
 
 

 
 

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.
-Phyllis Diller
 
 

 
 

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has just been robbed.
-Phyllis Diller
 
 

 
 

We spend the first twelve months of our children’s lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve years telling them to sit down and shut up.
-Phyllis Diller
 
 

 
 

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.
-Phyllis Diller
 
 

 
 

What I don’t like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.
-Phyllis Diller
 
 

 
 

The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
-Phyllis Diller
 
 

 
 

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
-Phyllis Diller
 
 

 
 

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
-Phyllis Diller
 
 

 
 

My photographs don’t do me justice – they just look like me.
-Phyllis Diller
 
 

 
 

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
-Phyllis Diller
 
 

 
 

Tranquillizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle – keep away from children.
-Phyllis Diller
 
 

 
 

I asked the waiter, ‘Is this milk fresh?’ He said, ‘Lady, three hours ago it was grass.’
-Phyllis Diller
 
 

 
 

The reason the golf pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can’t see him laughing.
-Phyllis Diller
 
 

 
 

You know you’re old if they have discontinued your blood type.
-Phyllis Diller